How To Be Your Own Influencer
Keep a journal like Mary Chesnut's to find out what you really think
The other day at my Medicare Wellness checkup I told my new doctor, “No, I’m not depressed. But I am really stressed.”
I could leave it at that, but I don’t want her to think it’s a family problem. So I say I’m working every day with a local political party to save democracy in America - by this November.
And then I have to decide whether to tell her which party it is, so she doesn’t think I’m a Republican. But what if she’s a Republican? If I tell her I’m a Democrat, will I be putting my healthcare at risk?
My belief in my party is too strong to be silent, so I say I’m a Democrat. Then I try to read her reaction so I can identify this person I’ve just put my trust in, as a “we” or a “they”.
I know this sounds crazy, but it’s the truth about our society today.
This self-sorting happens other places, too.
Let’s say you’re with a few people and you mention the national news. Does someone say, “Sorry, I don’t do politics”? They might even turn their back on you. It’s hard these days to have a discussion about what matters when there’s more than one viewpoint in the room.
What’s happened to personal identity?
With op-eds every hour, and one eye on social media, you don’t have time to form your own opinion. By the time you read a headline, your favorite influencer has already told you what to think about it.
So it might be healthy to discover your own thoughts, and to explore your own feelings. A diary is a good place to start. Using a pencil on paper slows down the words that belong to you alone, so that you can hear them.
Mary Chesnut did this in the mid-1800’s in South Carolina. She, too, needed a calm personal center in the midst of political and cultural chaos.
She wrote in 1860,
I shall always regret that I had not kept a journal during these two past delightful & eventful years … the delights having exhausted themselves in the latter part of 1860 & the events crowding in so that it takes away my breath to think about it all.
I dare say I might have recorded with some distinctness the daily shocks. ‘Earthquakes as usual’ …
Though she was born into Southern wealth and privilege, Mary thought the Civil War was complicated. She knew that her opinion was not like those around her. She wrote in her diary in March, 1861,
Shame - disgrace - misery. I wonder if it be a sin to think slavery a curse to any land. … God forgive us, but ours is a monstrous system & wrong & iniquity. … [Union General] Sumner said not one word of this hated institution which is not true.
Mary’s journal entry for April 1861 reads in part,
Today I was burning papers all day — expecting a Yankee raid. Gave some silver to Mr. team — & two books of JC's. Shall try & get them if I go to Greenville.
She went on to say how she felt about what was happening.
How I have wept this day! My poor heart is weary — & then how it poured — rain, rain, rain, & in it all I rushed down to Mrs. Martin. I wanted so to get away. I want now to get to Kate's. I am so utterly heart broken. …
Probably Mary could not have said these things in a social gathering, or even to her own family; the “we”-“they” dynamic must have been incredibly strong. But she felt that her reactions to the events she described were worth recording in her journal, regardless of what the popular “influencers” of her time might be telling people.
Today, we’re in another time in America where each of us personally struggles with political and cultural “earthquakes as usual”. I think Mary Chesnut must have found peace by expressing her true feelings in her daily writings, without fear of social silencing or worse. I can do the same.
I just now made a little journal for March. Take 4 sheets of paper. Cut them in half the short way. Fold the 8 small sheets in half. Cut out and decorate a cardboard cover. Stack pages inside cover, punch 3 holes down the center crease, and sew with a simple pamphlet stitch (find an easy how-to in my notes below this post).
On these pages, write your heart’s truth. Tie a ribbon around each month’s Little Journal. Keep them safe.
P. S. I try to be open to each new digital advance that comes upon us, but the current one gives me pause -
If you wrote your journal in Chat GPT, would it still be your journal?
Inspiring! Thank you.
This is a good idea. I take a freestyle hip hop class on zoom & sometimes my homies get tired of my political 16 bar rants. I try to hit punchlines & wordplay but I get we take these classes to maybe forget abt the world & just cypher & develop our skillz & barz.
Maybe I should write it out. I could still rhyme it & set it to music. I do need to get it out of my brain. Thank you.