The Three Stages of Being Lied To
How to recover from disinformation
A thought for our times -
There are the personal “Three (or more) Stages of Grief”. So, along these lines, I think a citizen can go through “Three Stages of Being Lied To”.
According to one source,
The Three Stages of Grief are Numbness, Disorganization, and Reorganization.
The Three Stages of Being Lied To could be similar:
Stage One: When you’re being lied to over and over, your disbelief can make you feel numb. “How could this be happening?”
Stage Two: The lying goes on. You feel disorganized. “How could this be happening?” This stage can trap you into doing nothing but try to maintain your idea of the truth.
All the while, your mental windshield wipers are at top speed, clearing away MAGA’s Big Lie with its Army of Little Lies swarming all around it. Those of us who are exhausted by trying to keep our eyes on the truth know what this feels like.
So did Ingrid Bergman in the movie Gaslight.
Paula and her husband Gregory have a stressful relationship because he’s in complete control of the naive heroine. In one scene he wants her brooch, so he takes it by saying,
Gregory: You might lose it. You know, you’re inclined to lose things.
Paula: I am? I didn’t realize that.
Paula begins to doubt reality.
Paula: Suddenly, I am beginning not to trust my memory.
Gregory: I tell you, you’re just tired, that’s all. It doesn’t mean anything.
Finally, having lost her sense of the truth, she’s helpless in a world of Gregory’s making.
Today we call this manipulation disinformation. But because we’re in a world-wide political relationship, and not a personal one like Paula’s, we can’t just hope to be rescued by a kind man like Brian Cameron, the detective in Gaslight.
Since I’m not all alone like Paula, and since I’m not directly being fed the lies coming today from all sides such as Fox News and fake social media, I have to believe I can find a way to avoid feeling as helpless as she did.
But how can anyone stay immune to the barrage of lies right now — and still be a well-informed citizen? It makes a person feel as disorganized (and defeated) as Stage Two of grief.
Heather Cox Richardson in Democracy Awakening explains what we’re experiencing. “Alternative facts” were used by Trump’s in his drive toward authoritarianism while President. She says,
Trump straight-up lied [insisting that abortion causes breast cancer] and he demanded his loyalists parrot his lies. This strategy, called gaslighting after the 1944 film, Gaslight, forces subordinates to agree that the person in charge gets to determine what reality is.
Keeping listeners constantly trying to defend what is real from what is not destroys their ability to make sense of the world. Many of them turn to the strong-man who promises to keep order. Others get exhausted and give up.
If you feel stuck in the stage of numbness, or disbelief, Richardson shows why the Big Lie has worked well with many people:
A Big Lie is one so huge that no one can believe it is false; when repeated enough, some people come to think it is the truth.
Authoritarians like to argue that enemies have cheated them out of power. Once people internalize their leader’s propaganda, it does not matter that pieces of it are proven to be lies because it has become central to their identity.
But referring back to the stages of grief, I look for a way to move out of the numbness I feel as a non-believer in the MAGA lies. I’m ready for Stage Three, which is reorganization.
The smallest Important Book I think I’ve ever read is On Disinformation: How to Fight for the Truth and Protect Democracy by Lee McIntyre. He says,
We need more truth-tellers, and the right messenger, or influencer, for each audience. Repeat the truth often. And it’s ok to talk with conspiracy believers.
The media’s good-business narrative of conflict, chaos and failure normalizes the insurrectionists. It’s a very stressful way to get the news.
McIntyre writes about realistic expectations, and about how to stay motivated.
We can’t count on education and critical thinking to instantly shed light on disinformation. There’s no easy way to stop it, but we can counter it by repeating the truth, and by complaining to the media sources [that don’t].
Political activism works. And there’s inspiration in fellowship.
About gaslighting, Heather Cox Richardson offers daylight at the end of the tunnel. She says,
This is how gaslighting ends: it becomes so obviously crazy it collapses.
Cheer out loud!
Then take a deep breath and sign up to go canvass for a candidate who’s working overtime to get through this, and help save our democracy.
Very helpful! Thanks!
What an excellent discussion of this vexing problem!